I am reading through text messages,

decoding, deciphering, looking,

for what I said, or did wrong.

I am thinking this:

 

He's still acting weird towards me.

I don't know if it's something I did,

he says it's not, but he's avoiding me.

I'm such a terrible friend to have never just told him my feelings.

But I mean, I didn't want to hurt his relationship,

so I was being good...ish.

But then he didn't text me for all of Christmas Break.

He didn't even say Merry Christmas back to me!

I started worrying about him, 

I didn't know if there was something wrong,

but I didn't want to ask her,

I didn't know how she'd take it given the circumstances.

what if he was in the hospital,

or if he was sad again,

or maybe I'm just a lovesick puppy and he was just feeling super awkward about me.

That's it.

That's totally it.

So basically, I have these feelings I don't want,

and I don't tell anybody so that I don't ruin a very important relationship,

Q figures it out,

ignores me,

scares me,

avoids me,

and it's my fault.

Somehow it doesn't seem like it is.

 

I can't find anything I said wrong.

Usually, I will first admit to something that I did,

but I really don't see anything 

that I did,

that deserves THIS reaction.

I've apologized,

but of course, you wouldn't know because you avoid me at school,

and when I try to text you, 

you don't answer.

I have to say, 

I would never get mad at you, 

because I know there's an explanation for this,

but I am kind of starting to get annoyed. 

If what I get for protecting YOUR relationship

is losing MY best friend,

then perhaps it's time for a new investment.

No.

I'm sorry.

I don't actually mean that.

But I kind of wonder how you would feel about it if I said that to you...