In the land of the ravening Scots,

Where the haggis once used to roam free,

All the glens now are laid out in plots

From the mountains right down to the sea.

 

For there’s such an increase in demand,

That the wild beasts are tamed on these farms;

And the ghillies on this meadowland

Are all trained to see none come to harm.

 

For these creatures are raised with the sheep

That still wander around in these fields,

So the world with its tatties and neeps

Can enjoy what this countryside yields.

 

So on Hogmanay Scotsmen still feel

That they feast on traditional food,

Although some say when they’ve had their meal,

That this titbit does not taste as good.

 

And so now that I’ve told you this tale

Of this mythical creature of old,

And the nonsense this story entails:

You just cannot believe what you’re told.