I don’t do fondue

Dips or chips

Small talk is global politics

 

An anti-social socialist

My social skills do not exist

No smutty jokes

No tales or quotes

From the back line of the demo

In fact I have one anecdote

About the time I met John Virgo

 

I told it at a wedding once

Then she left me midst the vol-au-vants

 

Fragrant musk of windowlene

Dab and donk just not my scene

Don’t watch films, or much telly

Bar that programme... Lorraine Kelly

Don’t like sport, I don’t support

City or Yooonited

Perhaps that’s why I’m never invited

My only clique is in my cardy

And you’ll always find me in my kitchen at parties