one step beyond

you spent so long in that obsidian chamber

that you named each worm of light that crept in

named them based on the complexity of the pattern

that exploded behind your eyelids

for to open your eyes and view them would be blinding

this one is paul

a single line pulsing oranges and blues

next cronos

a ring of white heat around a pale, milky ball

once a week heimdallr struck your synapses

burning red and golds into your shielded retina

medusa

thor

tyr

all came and went

leaving an indelible mark in the air around your mind

then after a while you lost your sight

and the sounds took over

the scrape of a metal tray on the concrete floor

the clang and crash of the tiny metal hatch

the sound of sweat dripping from your brow to the ground

you made stories around these noises

the clang became a thud

the thud became a soft bump

the sound of a car door shutting

the scrape became a wheeze

the wheeze became a adieu

the sound of your wife bidding you farewell

the sweat drips became a pitter patter

the sound of blood hitting the tarmac

sizzling in the heat like steaks on a grill

then the final sound

soft bone clicking on a hard surface

five taps and a padded step

the death rattle of dust leaving his ancient mouth

the soft, wet rasp in your ear.

◄ little nightmares

i took you to the brightest places on earth so that i could see who you truly are ►

Comments

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Stu Buck

Fri 30th Sep 2016 12:19

thanks suki! its very much open for interpretation, i tend to just write a stream of consciousness, rarely if ever edit and very often dont even derive a meaning myself until it is finished. this leaves it very open ended. who knows, i get a guy that was in a car crash, is now suffering in some way (due to his guilt), be it a coma, a jail cell where he loses his mind, or a form of spiritual limbo, then eventually meets his maker.

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suki spangles

Fri 30th Sep 2016 00:17

Hi Stu, I have read this already five times, although I derived a slightly different meaning - not so much a coma, as a kind of spiritual disembodiment. Similar thing I suppose. Anyway, I love it, so thanks for sharing.
Also, thanks so much for your very kind feedback on The Transcendentalist. What can I say? Cheers, Suki

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Stu Buck

Thu 29th Sep 2016 12:59

cheers all, i am glad it hit the spot. it grew as i wrote it from a piece about solitary confinement to something a little more mysterious and dark, as most of my pieces tend to do. thanks for your comments. i did have to listen to a bit of madness for the sake of the title, which then naturally turned into half a day listening to ska which is never a bad thing.

elPintor

Thu 29th Sep 2016 01:40

It is like a sequence of events experienced synaesthetically, all senses engaged involuntarily..such crystal clear descriptions of the moments of a trauma in first-person slow motion.

Very effective, Stu.

elP

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raypool

Wed 28th Sep 2016 20:55

I would like to make an intelligent guess at the thinking here Stu, but I will just say I find it fascinating, erudite and full of wonderful imagery. I feel it skating on the thin ice of the subconscious, an area you excel in !

Ray

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Stu Buck

Wed 28th Sep 2016 17:13

thanks david. i often find it hard to describe the word 'black' adequately! the shapes of the light (apart from paul) are either celestial bodies or ancient gods, and i tried to link in the shapes and emotions that they produce to the shapes of the light. so saturn has rings, heimdallr has gold teeth etc.

i am glad you saw a coma in it. although it is open to interpretation, when i wrote it i wanted to transfer the feeling of guilt and remorse that the man felt due to the car crash, and make it something tangible, be that a waking coma or his projection of his feelings as a cell, an empty, black void.

thanks for the comment, glad you enjoyed it!

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