I’m not well, you know.

I’ve had this cough for ages now;

I’ve been to the doctor’s,

And they’ve got no idea.

They say it’s just a virus,

But I know better.

It’s far more serious.

I can’t have a trivial illness;

It wouldn’t do on social media.

And anyway, what do they know,

They’ve probably never seen this before.

They’ll probably have to invent a name for it;

I think I even heard that last doctor say ‘inclinata plumbum’.

That sounds really serious.

He sort of whispered it,

As if he didn’t want me to hear.

I’m sure that must be it.

I bet they don’t have a treatment for it;

At least, not on the national health.

Can’t wait to get it up on facebook.

What’s keeping them;

My appointment was for ten minutes ago.

Oh well, I’ve probably got time to nip outside;

I really need a fag.