Rachel’s hair was soft red

Flowing like waves

It reached to her waist

(She could sit on it)

With a delicate scent

Reminiscent to me

of cinnamon…and brie

 

Her smile lit the faces of the friends

on whom she bestowed it

It never shone on mine

 

She never gave me a second glance

And though I hoped for one

It was never expected

I was out of her league

An insignificant other

On the fringes of her coterie

 

She lit up the streets

Of our town

Skipping carefree

Singing, dancing, waving

 

And in the dingy tunnels

Of my imagination

Danced and clapped and waved

And laughed...

Just for me.

 

In dreams I called to angels and she was one who came

In dreams I leapt from high walls and precipice ledges

and she was there to catch me

 

In dreams

Wonderful dreams.

 

In dreams she laid me down gently,

Brushed my forehead with cool love lips

And whispered, “You’re precious, please take care”

 

In dreams.

 

Over time we walked different paths

Separated ways

She lived on somewhere deep

Neglected in my memory album - but not forgotten.

 

Until lunching on Filey prom

Eating mackerel and olives and cheese

Fending off seagulls

The devil’s harpies

A long buried hint of cinnamon and brie

Awoke in me

Long dormant reveries

 

And Rachel stood

Crooked and gaunt

Patchy hair

Matted hair - but still the same red hair

That used to tumble in soft waves

All the way down to her waist.

And she could sit on it.

 

Her hand stretched out like a claw

Asking, “Spare some change for my bus fare?”

I gave her the remains of my lunch

And a couple of pounds - but she needed more

Much, much more.

 

Cuppa tea at a beachside café

Her shaky hands tight around the mug

for the warmth

Within

 

"What do they call you?"

And she replied, “Roxi”

I let the lying lie

Something inside was dying

Or had already died.

 

I mentioned names of friends long past

She nodded, dull eyes brightened briefly

I casually dropped my name too,

she shook her head,

 

“No I don’t remember him…Who?”

 

"Any family, Roxi?"

She mumbled, “Toddler in care….”

And, "...termination"

And nibbled a split ended strand

Of once lustrous copper red hair

That reached to her waist

And she could sit on it

And allured me with hints of

Cinnamon...

and brie

So long ago

 

And chewed a jagged finger nail.

 

A storm blew in

She trembled

I offered a bed for the night

In my guest room saying,

”It’s warmer inside”

And a change of clothes

(replacing the rags she was wearing).

She shrugged...beyond caring.

 

She bathed, and put a gay flower

In her shampooed

Washed

Brushed

Brittle

Once lustrous

red hair

That tumbled down to her waist

And she could sit on…

Once.

 

We suppered 

drank a little wine

 

I showed her to her room

Plumped the pillows and straightened the bed

Gently kissed her forehead

And said,

"Goodnight, Rachel, my angel, you're precious, take care.”

 

I found her next morning

Sitting upright in bed

Empty arms cradling

As if catching a falling child

Or nursing

 

And on her face

a broken toothed radiant smile

that lit up mine.

 

No pulse

Still warm

Quite dead.