the world state
perennial
subservience
has led to
poundland
prayers
and
teeth spat
across
school-
yards.
i spend my
days waiting
for night
and
my nights in
a daze.
it is two
thousand
and
sixteen
and
i do not know
anyone
who isn’t
terrified.
Comments
thanks graham, kind words indeed. this may be one that i go back to later and tinker with (the format not the content).
i spend my
days waiting
for night
and
my nights in
a daze.................how clever these words are!
poundland prayers.................genius!
I know you like to just get it down quickly sometimes but every now and then you just hit a spot, gold dust.
On the matter of the format, I only like to use one word lines when I want emphasis or the reader to linger for a second on its meaning.
Brevity is the fiercest weapon a poet has!
thanks cynthia. i spent ages tinkering with the format, im still not sure it works as a spindly snake but im loathe to change it now. glad you liked it.
Well done. 'daze' is terrific. For the style you've chosen I appreciate its brevity.
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raypool
Sat 12th Mar 2016 20:40
A nice picture of dystopia, and a grand use of imagery.
I picture for some reason a roll of wallpaper being unfolded before pasting! Or a proclamation oyez!.
Thanks for your comment on Hypochondria. K.W. was a bleak character and self obsessed. Cheers! You're right though it has all those ingredients.
Ray