She knows his wants his dearest dreams

but she may not be quite all she seems

as nestles he into her seat

and turns the key to generate heat

the pulsing pistons tight in thrall

his life is here       the car is all.


      A mile away a local whore

      is entering her four by four


      as she nestles behind the wheel

      who knows how good that makes her feel?

      she turns the key and checks her face

      aware of the cost of time and pace.


He takes the fast lane    anxious now

to sense the power of his holy cow

his hand is ready for the horn

his phone is ringing,   his hair is shorn

he is as sleek as he must be

      she appreciates he must be free.


The stereo sound surrounds the man

as he proceeds to chase a van

he has to prove he is the best

and the chav is wearing a simple vest.


     The whore steps out as she leaves the rover

      where the van will not pull over

      and she turns to check the shops

     then sees the van,  her handbag drops.


Her heels will not respond in time

the van impacts her with its grime

The bang is heard by all around

she lies, perfection on the ground.


      The man has raced to where she lies

      the van has gone, a big surprise.

      he soon will know the fall of pride

      that comes with being dead inside.


His car still waits to suck him in

her engine runs     will always win

he has no further need for her

she stares ahead

not her that's dead


Her pistons pulse      she starts to purr.




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Mon 4th Jan 2016 10:51

Thanks Martin I was trying for a cinematic style, and the ending is always key to that ! Ray

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Martin Elder

Sun 3rd Jan 2016 14:48

great poem Ray, its peaks of a race to me
'her pistons pulse she starts to purr' rounds it off nicely for me.

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Sun 3rd Jan 2016 14:09

Thanks all for the unexpected praise here. David, I asked you to comment on this , and you did nothing that was not sincerely felt - and it made me think - can't be bad. I will try an update as it's a challenge. (post virus).

Lady Denyse, I particularly like to please a lady so thanks a lot.

Stu, We all like a good line when it comes! Sometimes, the opposite of the expected can be most effective ( I hope). Thanks a lot.

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Stu Buck

Sun 3rd Jan 2016 13:54

she lies, perfection on the ground.

that line is gold-dust. you should be proud of it.

great stuff as ever, whenever it was written.

Lady Denyse

Sun 3rd Jan 2016 13:49

I liked how you ended this. The whole piece speaks with perpetual motion; albeit, elements of darkness, but, I enjoyed it. ~Denise

David Moore

Sun 3rd Jan 2016 12:30

Hi again Ray,

I just re-read what I wrote earlier. It comes over a little as if I'm up my own arse, sorry for that. Its difficult to comment on the work of others especially when they are your friend. I am in no way qualified to critique the work of others, but I know what I like and like to think I know what is good.

Thanks for your support and compliments Ray.

Speak soon hopefully. Hope tomorrow night is a good one.


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Sun 3rd Jan 2016 12:07

Thanks so much for those detailed considerations. This was written about four years ago. I can see in the light of your comments that I was going from a tell tale style that had elements of humour, but a bit wandering and losing impact. Thanks , I'm glad you like the general idea - a bit weird but I hope I havn't lost that ingredient!!

I think simple and direct always wins with poetry.

I feel you're roaring ahead in your writing. Feet on the ground , head in the air type of thing!!

I'll give this another whirl in the current mindset.

Cheers David.

David Moore

Sun 3rd Jan 2016 09:07

Hi Ray,

You mentioned that this was written some time ago, I read it before you told me that, I have to admit that I didnt recognise it as your usual current work. I wonder how old it is. What you write now seems to stream and flow in a more cerebral way, I hope that make sense. I like the strands of story you have going on here and how it is clear quite literally that those strands will at some point collide, as they do.

It would be interesting to see you take the message you are conveying within these words, and write it in your current style, I feel that you would be able to strip it down and deliver the message with even greater impact, a testament to how you have grown in your writing.


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