A Pint of Bitter, A Pint of Mixed, And Some

     Change for the Pool Machine Please!

 

     I will not cry upon your departure –

Hard man,

     I will neither bury my head

In hands or upon her false buxom,

     But I will remember,

 

     I will not sing praises

And platitudes of honour,

And lie like a bastard –

Perhaps the bastard I am,

But,

     I will remember!

 

     Not all is good,

Nothing is fair,

That’s what I was taught ole bean

From only very small and you know,

You were there upon my sixth birthday

But before you, only

Adoption homes and fostering

And a mother’s violence

And I’ll not cry

On that day or the next,

     But I will, remember.

 

     Before you came - my life

Was done,

And I so wished to run away

And then, I thought if they

Can have a father,

     Why not I?

And so I leapt for joy

The moment you got out

Of the Zephyr, and taught

Me my first Karate move

And how to take a piss – standing up,

And I’ll not cry old man,

     But I will remember.

 

     And then,

And then, I couldn’t wait to grow,

To save myself and be away from

Her tyranny yet I know,

If you hadn’t have been there

I would have been dead,

Dead as she screamed my name

Drunkenly in a house avoiding fire,

     And I’ll not cry upon that day

My friend,

But I will remember.

 

     You put it about a bit

Too much and nothing I could do

Would stop you from insulting my heart,

My nature and being,

And yet, avoiding tears,

You played a great game of

Subutteo at four in the morning

When Winter iced the insides

And a demon at Rebound too,

     And I’ll not cry that day you see,

But I will remember.

 

     It hurts to love sometimes

As the children you have – you know

Would never be treated like that,

And then again,

Would the biology of the paternal

Play football after work,

Would he insist a party

At Vitafoam even if the eldest had

To lie about his age to gain a seat,

Would he drag the dragon forcibly away

From beating on the children,

Would he get pissed and treat

The growing boy as his brother

When sadness

Rocked his world,

     But more than that,

Would he take on board

Another’s offspring

And claim them as his own?

     And I don’t know,

It’s hard to extinguish love,

Hard to distinguish too

When cruelty begins at home

And you weren’t that bad old bean,

But I’ll not cry upon that day,

     But I will remember.

 

     Hardship,

Was something common

To our ways, was all too obvious

On days we had no food,

And what’s even more obvious,

Be the fact, you ain’t as hard

As you liked to claim yourself

When ego had you wondering

What life could have been like

Had you had your freedoms,

For back then,

You always stuck around

     And soon,

You’ll be dead,

And I’ll not cry that day,

But I will remember.

 

     I will remember your

Own personal sacrifice!

I will know that you were robbed

Of a retirement having worked

All your days,

I will know you for the fall you took

And I will know you

For taking on two boys

Who didn’t have much hope,

     I will know you for introducing

I to The Moody Blues,

Guinness – Mixed and Bitter,

Sweet and Sour Pork

And beans and Worcester sauce,

Dripping butties too

And in knowing humility of poverty

And how to take it like a man,

     Alas,

You were always a casualty

Of wanting more

Than what you were dished

And rightly so,

For society took the piss

Out of you and all unsung hero’s

Of ghetto’s who work till death,

     And I’ll not cry that day

     I’ll not be forever bitter

Because I know,

I know from being soldier,

     Your freedom’s on the hour!

 

     Sometimes,

I brag about my tours of duty

And back then,

     I bragged too about my father,

I told the lads how strong you were,

I told them too how you saved my life,

I always had a quiet respect for you

Even though you let her tyranny drag you down,

     And as the days pass,

And the nights,

And a presence becomes a void,

I’ll know upon my secret heart

You’ll have a secret paradise,

     And pain will pass,

And mixed feelings of

Bitterness ebb away from what is left,

And there, beyond

The machinations of a realm

That didn’t deserve you,

     Will be a friend you knew,

Who will smile a smile of love

In your honour,

     Remembering the Father that you are,

And the sacrifice you made –

And I guess, I’ll cry a tear of sorrow

As I reminisce a brief time of history,

For just like you,

I’m no hard-man too.

 

Michael J Robinson 5th September 2015.

For David. X