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dear dad

I love you, I do,
Respect you I don't, 
I've tried, I've tried it saddens my heart
But your smoke and your words of alcohol..
It cannot be helped I see it now, you'll always be the father I loved somehow

To my father his family come second to none
But it did to your vices, we came undone
I blame you I do for not trying to change,
For not loving us enough to really try to change
For the false hopes you gave,
Left us disheartened disappointed
We all have our faults, but yours are grave
I blame you I do for trying to blame me
For your vices are yours, since before I was born
They've always been your family
I feel out of place like I don't belong
Like something is missing something wrong

Days of the week it's the TV you want
I will be shushed if I want to talk
And 6 nights a week the alcohol speaks
The words derogatory or angry, bleak
Your nasty mood swings and words, don't always make sense
You say it's our fault you drink
You say you've been drinking since before us
You say so many things
You say your vices have never done harm
I remember the beatings, and they're not a distant past
I remember when my mother's face was a swellen mass
I remember your words and the pain they brought
I remember my tear and sleepless nights
You say your drinking never done mw wrong!
With a straight face and a righteous heart
I give an inward snort

The smoke you blow stays within the home
It poisons my lungs but do you care?
What is the love you bear, papa?
Is there love you bear papa?
All you do is justify you! 
But what about me and my brother too?
Why did you birth me I need to know
So often now I've wanted to go, 
Fade away into shadow,

father alcohol smoking love justification cigarett

◄ something i must hide

a veiled curse ►


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Tommy Carroll

Fri 14th Aug 2015 20:25

Awful situation for you and your kin Muse. Words do help if only to formalise your feelings. Write much and often, talking also helps but then as an educated woman you'll have knowledge of that fact.

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