now is the fallow seeding time
of grasses bending
children with counted ribs
dash random as swifts
their fun frantic as butterfly wings
foxglove proud they stand
laughter punctuates
like the yellow primrose
rising through the tawning grass
Once again, Jeremy, a lovely blend of chosen imagery and form. 'fun', 'frantic' and 'foxglove' are the kinds of words that lift a poem into the mouth, begging to be recited, the original and still the best purpose of poetry.
'tawning' is a major sidestep of 'tawny'. Not sure if it helps or hinders the final line. It is certainly a jolt.
Great imagery and structure! The way you organize your lines makes it less rigid and more free, like the image you are describing.
If you wish to post a comment you must login.
This site uses cookies. By continuing to browse, you are agreeing to our use of cookies.
jeremy young
Mon 13th Jul 2015 13:54
tawning I rather like as it picks up on the colour of fallow in the opening line - and is a sound pun on 'turning'