Seven years ago I tried to kill myself

I had a dead end job

A dead end house

A beautiful wife that I couldn’t satisfy

I had just come off an all day shift

Seven in the morning until eleven at night

Yes, people do still work them

More than we like to admit

When we are driving home in our Audi’s

At five in the afternoon

I was pretty bummed

It was dark and I was walking along the canal

As usual, I had taken my fill of beer

I knew the canal was next to me

Running alongside me

In a piercing moment of clarity I realised

I could step off

Into the sheer, static finality of the water

I did it

I veered off the edge and held my breath

Expecting a Heimlich of ice and agony

But finding only the dull thud of a decked surface

It was the second failed suicide attempt

But definitely my favourite

I’d jumped head first into a Canal Boat

Interrupting two old ladies playing Canasta

They invited me inside

The boat was womb like in its peace

They gave me coffee

Biscuits

Talked to me about god

And card games

And everything in-between

Then they bade me on my way

I ran home as fast as I could

Crept upstairs

And made love to my wife

Nine months later my daughter was born

I have a photo of her in my wallet

And written on the back;

‘From the most glorious failure

Came the most beautiful victory’