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Between the commute and doing other people's taxes
and wondering how they come into so much money
in one lifetime
and between boyfriends and souring relationships
cooking, cleaning and dusting the spines of books
picked up more to impress friends than any intention
to read
I think of you, hands in the sink, trying to pick up
that obstinate spoon, seemingly stuck
eyes watering, wiping my nose on my sleeve
longing for a cup of tea, not tepid but hot
andÂ
wishing you were around, dad.
<3 is all. Very nice as always.
<Deleted User> (13762)
Sun 14th Jun 2015 18:08
If I may, I would like to add my own compliments and appreciation for this poem.
Graham mentioned the use of 'dad' at the end. I don't usually like to give too much away in a title, but in this case, I think 'Missing You Dad' makes for three powerful and moving words.
Lynn Hamilton
Sun 14th Jun 2015 16:48
This is absolutely lovely, Preeti. I can connect with this piece in so many ways (especially the taxes ;)) and you have in my humble opinion expressed the deep longing for a daughter to have the protection of her father, once again. Brlliant. xx
This is a lovely piece of work Preeti. I keep reading it over and over and can't make my mind up whether the dad is really necessary.
In one way it's good to know (for the purposes of the poem) that you are missing your dad but in another way it would be clever to make us wonder who it was.
Either way its a lovely, light-feeling thoughtful piece, a daydream almost.
Well done!
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Cynthia Buell Thomas
Sat 20th Jun 2015 16:15
The subject is good, Preeti, tugging the common heartstrings. I really like your choice of detail and diction to express it.
But, about halfway, in the 'books' imagery, I found the positioning of the ideas awkward, and then consistently so to the end. I got lost trying to figure out how the 'spoon' related to a 'recalcitrant child', even with the comma, which didn't suggest clearly to me a break in thought. I just wonder why you choose to make your ideas a bit difficult to follow with your given line breaks.
And, then, of course, it may be just my problem. I realize this.