When I go to choose my lunch -

just for today - I wish I could

choose chips swimming in

lashings of beefy greasy gravy

but pangs of shame won’t let me.

I can’t bear the embarrassment

of asking for something so unhealthy -

so I pick a salad.

 

Today I eat chocolate at my desk

incognito and feel sadness -

how pathetic that you have no discipline

and where the hell’s your five a day?!

 

I look down at my stomach -

it’s grown flabby in an instant;

my thighs suddenly rub together like blubber

and my non-existent double chin sags.

 

I think about how I’ll never be loved

unless I can gain some self-control.

 

But I eat the chocolate anyway.