Note: No profile exists for this entry - most likely it was deleted.
You Cunt!
I'm on the early break again.
A break from what? I only clocked-in an hour ago and now I have to eat my butties?
You Bastard!
I've got another 5 hours now until my next break.
Too early for me tea but too late for another butty, I'll be famished.
not that you care,
you Twat!
Wankering about, remembering the school bully and Slimming World, dishing out all the shitty jobs.
You're a Nob!
You're enjoying your first taste of power.
Pete Crompton
Fri 8th May 2009 22:11
this would work well as a performance poem for the obvious anger and aggression that it seems to be an outlet for.
for the written version you could possible alienate some readers with he swearing, have you thought of using other words that imply the same, this way we could prob know what you mean and let our minds internally 'swear'
sometimes raw aggression is necessary to reflect the real you but you could scare people away from what are honest insights into your frustration.
You are dealing with the authority figure and I think you could tap into this. All of us im sure have had problems with authority figures, I certainly have, so by tapping into the the elements we all encounter you could get more people on board.
the reference to 'school bully and slimming world' begins a story into possible child hood traumas and again, this could be explored.
Its one of those poems (I feel) that goes clearer when performed (not that it aint clear)
the power aspect, you could expand on this.
Just some ideas
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winston plowes
Tue 12th May 2009 01:39
Sebastian... Post more stuff up on here.
Your profile is rather poetic - I open my mouth and words come out... etc.let's here those words whatever they are, however raw. Winston