I Don’t Get It, and I’m Not Gotten

 

Here in this place

Over six months now

Away from those who know me

What I wanted somehow

 

A clutch for solitude

Is not what I need

Those days are over

Today I must heed

 

Slightly different

Comfortably the same

I must find a place

They must know my name

 

Given this stage

I perform for no one

Yet there’s no stopping it

It can’t be undone

 

I keep hiding away

Deny the truth

Ashamed to live

Based on their ruth

 

Something I’ve already heard

Excitement to tell me again

What do they want from me?

I’m through having to pretend

 

Unknown how I feel

If I haven’t been there before

Looked at by some

Who have been there before

 

I can create my place

The power is within

But to work so hard at this

Is not worth the herein

 

Three lives not worth the one I left behind

A land that will always be mine

Somewhere in my design I find

Reason inside my open mind

 

The hunger I feel

This place cannot feed

Retreat to base

Heal, and then proceed

 

From two and a half seasons

Down to five fortnights

Lost in broken reasons

Under moon and city light

 

I am always the half

To the two completes

Spring showers Summer’s bath

Fall blankets Winter’s feet

 

Shy away from fear

The sweet relief

Hide away from here

The sweet belief

 

If I’m on my own

Then I must work to live

If I call that home

Then that’s what it is

 

But to work afar

As the years lose shape

And the season fizzles

Home beckons like a guiding star

Full of hope, promise

All the bells and whistles

 

How unexpected does life have to be?

Will moving away ever solve the problem?

What am I running from?

Why is nineteen so different from twenty?

 

What is it that I get?

What haven’t I got?

There are no clear lines of knowledge

Just one forgotten

And another born every minute.

 

                                                                08/05/2006 Jake Belmont