Chapter One

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Once, upon, a time…

Is that how it went?

And did it follow that

they said

those allotted words, those

mined from the red hot

pits of thought,

shaped and resized;

tamed, wearily eyed?


And there, in a large,

gloomy house:

our hero, spending days

pacing halls too big for

the right adjectives to name.

They sit, press their

flickering hands together

and lean forward, frozen,

frowning, lost in ether.


And on occasion, a knocking

at a corner window, the sound

of falling rain; causing fraught minds

to re-trace, erase, return

with care, to the

cobwebbed shelves, again.


The following story is true…

It seemed only yesterday that…

Let me tell you about the time…

It was a dark, chill, winter night…

Let this waiting game begin;

discovering the depths of our hearts’ desires

in clear, bright, sharpened pen.

2013Yesterday's Weather

◄ Beside the Motorway

Coalition ►



Thu 10th Apr 2014 19:30

I truly loved this poem. It was very deep and the writing conjured up wonderful images. I loved your starting line. It set the mood of the poem even though the poem had barely begun. Also your break choices amplified the poem's mood, and imagery, and made it feel as if someone was speaking, not writing. I thought it was a very well written poem.

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Tue 8th Apr 2014 12:17

You are GOOD! This theme is excellent and your images and diction are captivating.

I give way to full poetic license to punctuate as you feel fit to present your own work. In stanza 2, first 5 lines, I get the intent of your idea, ie. still scene setting, but it took three readings. IMO, perhaps it was the punctuation of those lines. Also, I think it is the jump into 'They sit...lost in ether.' with its solid new idea and precise structure which jarred me. I did notice both Stanzas 1 and 2 were nine lines, but no further exact structure seemed intended; so you weren't bound by prescribed verse lengths.

This is a comment, not a criticism.

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