How to tell a joke 
                                           -Advice given to a Lady-

PREAMBLE- Know your audience
                 Know your subject

Write out your joke in full
Read it aloud many times
Remove all diversions
Check for confused references
Ensure you have a command of the required terminology
Try not to get out of your depth

Avoid sporting, scientific or technical references
Limit your choice to sex and fashion
Political issues may only result in your being confused
Do Laugh at other people's jokes before attempting your own 
Get the round in before attempting your joke
Do not sweat

                                          Practice brevity
                                          Remove 25% of what's left
                                          Remain calm


Remember to blink 

EVENT- Style is everything:
            delivery is more so

Practice eye contact
Avoid staring continually at the same person
Do not wear checked shirts, dungarees or men's boots
Do not mumble
Do not rush delivery
Learn to lower your vocal pitch
Remember to breathe
Do not show signs of fear

                                          Practice brevity
                                          Remove 25% of what's left
                                          Remain calm

Ask a chap about posture
Ask a chap for advice
Ask a chap for his approval

Try to relax

Avoid tearing-up beer-mats
Do not fidget
Do not under ANY circumstances cough - burp - stammer- pass wind
or giggle hysterically during the performance
Turn off your mobile 'phone
Try not to look nervous

POST SHOW- Do not apologize for your effort
                    Do not cry 
                    Do not attempt an encore

re-edit

words Tommy Carroll