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My pond

Subtle noise.

I try to poise my thoughts.

The ripples in my pond of thinking are restless. 
Stretching across the vast waters of memory.
Surely ripples should be quiet?
I should stop skipping stones across it.
Since my pond, may not be wide enough to contain ripples.
Not deep enough to sink a stone.
Or is the depth endless?
Bottomless?
Should the stone I throw sink into an endless void of darkness, will it ever be recovered?
Discovered to be skipped across a lake or into an ocean.
Or will it be lost in me and my pond?
My pond.
Full of that which we need to live and give life.
My pond, abodes koi.
Symbolic of strength.

◄ The curse of optimism

Comments

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Amy Houston

Sat 22nd Jun 2013 11:53

Thanks Mike, I have been sat on this one for a while and desperately needed input so thank you. I am going to take your advice and have a trim down see if I can get the best from it.

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Noetic-fret!

Sat 22nd Jun 2013 03:06

IMHO, I can see what you are trying to do here and it works well, one critique i would give is that you have gotten bogged down with detail and in so doing have lost a little of its poetic potential. I would try a rewrite because i think it is certainly worth building on. But that's just my humble opinion. Judging by how you write, my suggestion is that it is a deep pond indeed, full of life and filled with awe. Yes there is reference to regrets, we all have them.

Great poem, great theme and great thinking.

Best wishes, from Mike

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