A Case for Cancelling Christmas
Health and safety directives may sit on the shelf
But prick our conscience, like the holly everywhere
To make us think that Christmas is bad for the health
As many dangers lurk half-hidden in its tinselled glare.
Might twining ivy poison tiny toddlers who will pass?
And could pine needles stab them, drawing blood?
And, since bright baubles shatter into shards of glass,
Would it be best if we gave Christmas up for good?
Since surely sherry left for Santa on the hearth
Will only lead to alcohol dependency
So should we throttle Rudolph, with gran’s Christmas scarf,
Whose red nose serves to signify that tendency?
Mince pies must be eschewed for they are deemed too rich
For our ascetic lifestyle as we keep thin
And plates of carrots for the reindeer we must ditch
As pesticides may prosper on their skin.
And all the psychobabble that we tell the kids
How Santa brings the presents on his jingling sleigh
Is surely bad for mental states as our trashed nation skids
To deep depression at the cost of Christmas day.
So shall we just abandon Christmas to its fate
And then replace it, after some respectful interval
With some new sanitised, health-conscious date?
Might we end up with the once-ridiculed Winterval?
So let’s put up with foolish risks and take a chance
And so dispel irrational, quite uncalled-for fear
And join the mad frivolity of the social dance,
Just thankful that our Christmas comes but once a year.