ZAARDVAARK THE WORDSMITER
Hello everbody - Zaardvaark The Wordsmiter here.
Yes, that's Zaardvaark with a Z
Otherwise very similar to 'aardvark'
A word much favoured by those who like
To see the names of their concerns at the top of lists.
But the Zaardvaark is l a z y
Preferring not to be found too easily
In alphabetical listings (except by
People who start at the wrong end of course,
And they're OK people anyway).
Wordsmiter : well, I've never really cared for the word
Wordsmith - a slightly condescending term
For a poet perhaps? No, I've never really cared
For the word wordsmith ; the word smith is from the word smite
To hit, to clout, to knock about,
And I feel alright if I write as a smiter.
The smitten word has manifold capabilities :
It can even rehabilitate greetings-card verse,
And such a verse once it's been through rehab
May be awarded the caardmaark of Zaardvaark
If - and only if - it can entertain listeners
To whom the greetee is unknown.
I have examples with me.
The first is just a couple of dozen words;
The second, more ambitious, attempts to rhyme
A medieval building in York
While at the same time mimicking the sound of
John Cooper Clarke (a technique
Naturally know as Claarkevaarke);
And the third is a biographical sonnet with a tune!
The three rhymes are called Mavis, Mary, and Jack.
Mavis Hoyles, from a life of toils,
Very wisely moved out to Guiseley :
Overleaf, behold - elation
When people spotted Mavis at Guiseley station.
Our friend Mary, a wow at sixty :
Still as frisky as a power pixie -
With no fatal hunch of a lurch in the dentures (at all)
Gives a great lunch at the Merchant Adventurers' Hall.
Little Jackie Duncan's sixty now :
Grown up a bit, got on - and how!
Out of short pants for nearly forty year,
Believed to know the taste of beer.
Born to be a patriarch,
Script life's cartoon, not pay to park -
Though grown men pay to work for him :
Ignore the drinks that keep you slim.
May he carry his bat against all worries,
Collect more books, stamps, names of lorries,
And friends around him so everyone can
Toast the name of big John Duncan.
We've known the man for quite some years -
And aren't we glad? Good health! - and cheers.