We lie between the pages of a flimsy book
Sighing in a quaver’s breath
Flit like a dream
Wafting like autumn valley smoke
As enduring as a love letter in sand
Soft as a water colour after rain
Melting to nothing nothing nothing…
Open a window let me fly away
Leave go my hand and don’t say stay
Other atoms wait to stir me in
I go with nothing nothing nothing…
Er, not quite Ann, though to be pedantic, they do comprise the correct number of syllables for what Westerners consider a haiku.
However, you are right to pull me up. I should have been more precise in what I meant: those two lines sum up what, for me the piece is all about, but without the rest it would perhaps not be a poem. Or something. Look, just ignore me!
Er, are you saying Julian that the poem should only BE those two lines? Smaller than the smallest haiku in fact. Not much of a poem then, if you ask me :)
I don't think it needs any more than this.
You say it all in these two lines:
Leave go my hand and don’t say stay
Other atoms wait to stir me in
yes a bit of tidying/editing perhaps, but the poetry is there in spades; tiny atoms that make up a universe. brilliantly expressed.
Thanks guys - have changed it a bit but I think if maybe does needto have more to it.
Thoughtful piece Ann. I wanted to flesh it out more. I didn't get to know it well enough. Who are you? With some grammar changes it will be really evocative. Graham.
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<Deleted User> (10423)
Fri 15th Jun 2012 02:32
Hi Anne.
I simply love this. The last section "other atoms wait to stir me in". what a wonderful way of looking at the end, if indeed end it is? the ultimate recycling! 8-)