We lie between the pages of a flimsy book
Sighing in a quaver’s breath
Flit like a dream
Wafting like autumn valley smoke
As enduring as a love letter in sand
Soft as a water colour after rain
Melting to nothing nothing nothing…
Open a window let me fly away
Leave go my hand and don’t say stay
Other atoms wait to stir me in
I go with nothing nothing nothing…
<Deleted User> (5011)
Wed 13th Jun 2012 22:56
Er, not quite Ann, though to be pedantic, they do comprise the correct number of syllables for what Westerners consider a haiku.
However, you are right to pull me up. I should have been more precise in what I meant: those two lines sum up what, for me the piece is all about, but without the rest it would perhaps not be a poem. Or something. Look, just ignore me!
Er, are you saying Julian that the poem should only BE those two lines? Smaller than the smallest haiku in fact. Not much of a poem then, if you ask me :)
<Deleted User> (5011)
Mon 11th Jun 2012 15:11
I don't think it needs any more than this.
You say it all in these two lines:
Leave go my hand and don’t say stay
Other atoms wait to stir me in
yes a bit of tidying/editing perhaps, but the poetry is there in spades; tiny atoms that make up a universe. brilliantly expressed.
Thanks guys - have changed it a bit but I think if maybe does needto have more to it.
Thoughtful piece Ann. I wanted to flesh it out more. I didn't get to know it well enough. Who are you? With some grammar changes it will be really evocative. Graham.
If you wish to post a comment you must login.
This site uses only functional cookies that are essential to the operation of the site. We do not use cookies related to advertising or tracking. By continuing to browse, you are agreeing to our use of cookies.
<Deleted User> (10423)
Fri 15th Jun 2012 02:32
Hi Anne.
I simply love this. The last section "other atoms wait to stir me in". what a wonderful way of looking at the end, if indeed end it is? the ultimate recycling! 8-)