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We lie between the pages of a flimsy book

Sighing in a quaver’s breath

Flit like a dream

Wafting like autumn valley smoke

As enduring as a love letter in sand

Soft as a water colour after rain

Melting to nothing nothing nothing…


Open a window let me fly away

Leave go my hand and don’t say stay

Other atoms wait to stir me in

I go with nothing nothing nothing…




◄ Waiting for Maxim . . .

bus boy ►


<Deleted User> (10423)

Fri 15th Jun 2012 02:32

Hi Anne.
I simply love this. The last section "other atoms wait to stir me in". what a wonderful way of looking at the end, if indeed end it is? the ultimate recycling! 8-)

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Julian (Admin)

Wed 13th Jun 2012 22:56

Er, not quite Ann, though to be pedantic, they do comprise the correct number of syllables for what Westerners consider a haiku.
However, you are right to pull me up. I should have been more precise in what I meant: those two lines sum up what, for me the piece is all about, but without the rest it would perhaps not be a poem. Or something. Look, just ignore me!

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Ann Foxglove

Mon 11th Jun 2012 18:00

Er, are you saying Julian that the poem should only BE those two lines? Smaller than the smallest haiku in fact. Not much of a poem then, if you ask me :)

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Julian (Admin)

Mon 11th Jun 2012 15:11

I don't think it needs any more than this.
You say it all in these two lines:

Leave go my hand and don’t say stay
Other atoms wait to stir me in

yes a bit of tidying/editing perhaps, but the poetry is there in spades; tiny atoms that make up a universe. brilliantly expressed.

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Ann Foxglove

Mon 11th Jun 2012 14:21

Thanks guys - have changed it a bit but I think if maybe does needto have more to it.

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Graham Sherwood

Mon 11th Jun 2012 12:07

Thoughtful piece Ann. I wanted to flesh it out more. I didn't get to know it well enough. Who are you? With some grammar changes it will be really evocative. Graham.

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