Trying Something New

It's been a while since I've hit WoL with anything and thought I'd come back and see what people are up to.

 

I've been trying out a new way of writing poetry in the 1st person. As it's not my favourite form of writing (i.e. writing about my own experiences) I've started with a character description and have written a poem from that character's description. So let's see what you think about my first attempt at this. It's not that great I don't think, but is simply an attempt to write from a view point other than my own, which has been rather difficult.

 

Character - Male, 40's. Stopped caring about anything long ago. Xenophobic, Racist and Pragmatic.

She looks at me,
Her eyebrows soften and now,
I wonder just what does she see?

When she smiles, that's me at peace,
And where once was still,
Emotion stirs ready to unleash.

When we walk down the street,
Her hand calmly squeezing mine,
This love, I know, I don't deserve the treat.

Then a bastard steps out,
Mobile in hand, shouting out the world,
Seconds out, round one, here comes a bout.

I raise my hand to this tar-coloured twat,
Lights out, that is that.

 

◄ Reviewing Poetry

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Comments

stella jones

Fri 28th Oct 2011 19:47

When she smiles, that's me at peace,

My favourite line Martin :)

Pehaps if you complete a few like the one above you will then be able to attempt one that is true to you..?

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Patricia and Stefan Wilde

Fri 28th Oct 2011 12:17

brilliant!!

re the last two lines-are they meant to imply
the t-coloured-t giving you a slap
or vice-versa?

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