After The Fall

To deny her nothing

To be perfect

To love

(Like I love myself)

As she is

As she will

To want magic

To want more of her

Dreams don't phantom can't

Won't accept never

No

They gather together scattered bits

And build

In need and in too deep

In pebbles of a drying rose

Blues fall like darkness

Like warriors tired from battle

Like dreamers unsure

We weep

Wonder

Wait

The only life I know is contorted

Haunted

By a wound

I fail in love too easily

There was a fraction of a second

When willfulness gave way to the fall

My walking to a slow unconscious slide

I lost control but gained a glimpse

Into water images - whole for fractions of seconds

Too soon the reflection rippled

Too soon the image wavered  

I never had a chance or never used it

Absurdity is my companion

Disbelief my broken heart

Fallen completely into heaviness

Gloom

Crowded in darkness

Unrequited

Longing

Colors

Flavors of her liquid soul

Fill my nights with emptiness

Start my sunless mornings

In shadows of blue things 

Little wonder we live this way

We don't know how to change

Or why

If we knew

We might change the color of desire

If we knew

We could do it and be sure

If we only knew...

Meanwhile

I’m a problem child

Whose sickness makes her cringe

Jonesing like a junkie

Ripe enough to bruise

That will not succumb to love

Without her in it

Cannot fall again

For an outsider