I am not designed for life

not fit for it

I’m merely not strong enough

a weak, hopeless

pathetic template

 

And this dark mood

this deathly visitor

is inside me now

all the way deep

gripping my skull

cutting my thoughts

making it hard enough

just trying to breathe

 

So I lay here

as lost as stone

a thing neither dead nor alive

my trembling fears choking me

 

and a voice

one black voice

offering the final solution

 

‘Stay down, you’ll

never get out from under!’

it screams in my face

horrific stabbing words

 

So I toss and turn

me and this thing I’ve let in

this thing that I sleep with

that I’ve taken up to bed

it’s just us

 

and this room is

so fucking small