Stark beauty splayed afar before me, fields
Their sodden earth sliced through so new, folded
Plumes of reed quiver their responses
To every gust and calm and squall
Light splintered greys surrounding backdrop
Pin down this flat and mastered land
Each Headland roughly holds the record
Of nature’s bounty of that year
The stubble, stalk, the leaf and hollow
The pools that gather in the ruts
A fruitful realm, harsh understanding
Where toil and love and pain have bred
OK, forgot to mention: I think you should jettison 'afar'; IMO, 'splayed before me' says it all without chancing cuteness, or the use of a very old form not really needed here for 'setting'. As Isobel rightly pointed out, I am never 'nice'. But I make a huge effort not to be nasty (which would though be so exhilarating!)
Thank you Alain, appreciated.
Goodness CBT, how generous! It's very flattering that you've given it such consideration. most kind.
I like this, Christopher. It is lyrical with fine diction and inherent metrical music beating through it. The visual images are clear - 'Light splintered greys surrounding backdrop Pin down this flat and mastered land' and the mind is also engaged in the idea of history, ancient or immediate; 'harsh understanding' involves psychology of a people tilling the soil for generations. IMO,the poem has been well-considered and sharply executed.
Good piece - and moving now that summer is over.
Well done!
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Elaine Booth
Mon 8th Nov 2010 21:18
Really enjoyed your poem - very evocative. Particularly liked line 6. Do agree with Cynthia though about the use of afar.