Groping for change at the meter, I find,
with a frisson of fear, the right
amount - to the penny - amongst the fluff;
detect, in the clever clunk of coins, something
final. You, outside the surgeon's room,
prone in a paper-thin gown; me, wondering where I
stashed my ticket, thinking about buying time....
Hi James - hope you're not having a runny nosey around the site! (How is the cold?) Thanks for kind comment on my cat poem. Hope to see another blog from you soon!
Thanks for all your words of encouragement, much appreciated. When I've shaken this stinking cold I'll have a proper nosey around this site and take time to read your work. x
The last four words hit with meaning, almost like a blow inside the reader's head. The banal and the tragic live side by side: the small triumph of finding enough change juxtaposed with the fragile figure, conjured up by the words "prone in a paper-thin gown". The control we like to think we have in life is revealed as ultimately futile. I very much appreciate this poem.
An incredibly powerful poem James. I too like the way you have said so much with so little and mixed the momentous with the insignificant. It is amazing how in real life, one can focus on the stray thread of a garment or the slightest bump on the wallpaper whilst going through the most excruciating hell. Your poem sums that up neatly.
<Deleted User> (6534)
Wed 22nd Sep 2010 19:45
I like your elliptical style which captures the way ordinary and extraordinary moments in our lives mingle and you have packed a lot in to a small poem which is something I value in a poet.
I like the allusions this brings about - your choice of words is very interesting - Groping, 'frisson of fear', fluff, detect, final, prone, 'thinking about buying time....'
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Cate Greenlees
Thu 30th Sep 2010 11:50
Hard to read this without the "frission of fear" also hitting reader too. A powerful portrayal of an emotional moment in life.
Cate xx