As years shifted

            you gifted me

                                   your blessing

 

I could not receive it nor even hear it; still I will try

 

It’s just --

I had never met anyone ever who passed, aced, every test

                                                                                          albeit one

So wisely young;

               So imperfectly perfect;

                               So youthfully wise;

                                              Such humble immense talent;

                                                             Such wisdom well beyond your years

I loved loving you, 

                               you are spectacular from every angle

 

I’ve struggled mightily letting you go, 

                                but time’s an old friend, kind to me whereas I, myself

                                have detested; loathed; ridiculed; bittered; taken for rueful walks about town

 

                                                                       I ain’t no nice guy, either, Underwood

 

Presently, perhaps, what doesn’t come to pass, passes to past 

                        A river of calling

                               Peace flows in and throughout unexpected currents

 

Giving up, all and any fool’s errand to replace you                         ….breathe

Giving in, admit my heart willfully insists on doing it’s own thing

                                      Ignoring completely all direct orders

                                                                  And

                                                                   might forever, yeah ok   …breathe again

                                                                                                                        I can

give up ordering, a welcome relief

 

I want to write one more time

                                             tell you

 

I never want to be unkind to you, friend

                     I am angry but it’s mine, not yours

                          you owe nothing, yours is yours

and I am heartily sorry

If ever I hurt you

 

I want to gift you

                     with my blessing, back

                            my hope you’ll create life to recreate brilliance

               like your unique, uncommon, exquisite, one-of-a-kind, never-seen-before brilliance

If so I might be allowed but for now, sadly

                                                                    I cannot

 

Words dry up along the sandy bank -- I miss them, too