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A life of a character

Standing in front of you, you’re not what you used to be, you’re tired I see it in your face, those brown eyes ask for a break. 

a break from what? I asked.

The world, you said.

What’s wrong with the world? I said.

The same as it ever was, he replied, we're living a play, don´t get out of character.

You can’t be yourself in this abstract reality of the moral rulers, you need to create a character, a feast that satisfies the starving crowd. You´ll be in the hall, trying to reach the end and not dying in her ¨constructive comments¨. They´re professional artisans that will mold you, from a piece of clay to a “perfect sculpture” full of ideas of what you should be, archaic ideals for a modern world. We live in the age of freedom, but I can’t speak what I feel. I called this act: ¨Another fateful story of an abducted mind¨, they´ll sing us lullabies, but they know that everyone dies at the end.

Should I cry? I inquired.

if you dare, he replied.

Should I run away?I screamed.

if you can, he replied

What if I wanna die? i asked

just cry, and let  fly.

What if I fall? May I live the lie and reset my memories? The feeling is corrosive, my heart is undressed now. I'm ready for  your advice disguised  with wisdom jokes, age doesn't give you respect if you never think once, I’m not that thing you all want me to be, this makes me see dreams like bullshit that believers live for, faith is just a word in the Christian´s mouth.

Run.. just run!!!!

You put these thoughts in a vault, but there's no space for one more, you forgot what you need, thinking you can run from your destiny, you´re on the edge, make a move, and remember, it can take you to the pedestal or burn your mind. Is this worthy? Will I make their life a disgrace? 

I gave up the title they carved on my forehead, “The Dreamy Boy”

Sweet voices whispering: he looks better in this light, he remembers me of him, the red in his cheeks, he'll be a man like him. The expectation drowns you, why should I be like them? Why can't I be me?  it's a sin to be different, there's not a spectrum, it just can be black or white. I love them like my life, but I can't pretend  I'm their favorite crime. The haze is following me, I'm running out of time on the cliffside admiring my draw, blues, and grays made a mess. Would you like to stay and paint that dark scene the brightest gold or would you like to jump and start a new dawn? 

Should I jump?

You didn't do it already? he said.

You’re good, you’re good, they’re proud of you, you’re the best, forget that they are waiting for you, keep going, don’t look back, you’re good, you are good, why did you do that? Are you stupid? Just calm down, you failed, loser, you disappointed them, you should’ve been quiet, what did you do? Why are you so mean? You’re a monster, what a waste, everything will be ok, ok? Nothing is ok, you’re the best, you’re doing good, just a phase, what you feel isn’t natural, little shit, why am I crying? I’m not like this, why me? You should change, you must be a man, a man? Get drunk and have two women waiting for you at night, you can do whatever you want, cause you are brave, you´re bad, you are bullshit, why am I like this? Differently, nobody wants to be weird. If you want to survive in this shitty world, write this down: “Change who you are, and be the puppet they want you to be” Is this ok?, are you ok?, am I ok? I am ok.

The air hits my face, I'm wide awake, the thoughts still in the dark, I almost touch the gold, but the ties lift me up and sit me on the throne of misery, the light is reflecting the pictures in the stained glasses, the story of me it's now just a fallacy, I see a hummingbird in my window, free as the wind. The smell of lavender meets my room and takes me to heaven, making flying even in the shadows, it is the only taste of the real me.

I rose from the grave, put on my fake skin, took my heart in my hands and just smiled at the looking glass. The show is about to start, are you ready to be chained for the rest of your life? The tears falling, they raised the curtains, and I was thinking, can someone turn off the reflectors?

Yes, he screamed.



◄ Come back!


Dilsonn A. Mejía

Sun 19th May 2024 22:37

Thanks, I'm so glad you liked it, 😀!!!


Sun 19th May 2024 14:54

just wow!😲

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