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Attention Deficit Disorder

There’s lots of shops in Selly Oak

and I’m writing down their names


to show the wife when I get home

that I’m trying hard to change

New Look

I’m on the number 61 bus

after visiting a therapist

Barking Mad

I’m on the 61 bus because

I’ve got an Attention Deficit


I discovered it last Saturday -

well, my missus found it really

The Treasure Trove

when she came home unexpectedly

as I’m sat there watching TV


I’d got horse-racing from Sandown

and James Brown on a CD

Sports Direct

streaming Football with the sound down

and I’m reading Dostoyevsky

Busy Bodies

She wore the dress that she’d just bought

and her hair was cut and dyed

Posh Pets

when she asked me what I thought

I unthinkingly replied

Body Shop

that the Villa are still winning

James Brown’s the King of Soul Music

Top Banana

I’ve just lost in a photo-finish

and Raskolnikov has blew it

Selly Sausage

without bothering to glance up

as a frown replaced her smile

The Gun Barrels

I confess, I hold my hands up,

I didn’t praise her new hairstyle

Gaf Collection

She reckoned that I needed help,

counselling or a therapist,

Let’s Talk

says I’m in a world all by myself

and I’ve got an Attention Deficit


When I proclaimed my innocence

she exclaimed that’s just a symptom


of Oppositional Defiance.

I watched the 3.15 at Kempton.

People’s Dispensary for Sick Animals

But I went to see the therapist,

there were six of us - Group Therapy

Small World

and told them about my deficit

but the wife got all their sympathy

Get Stuffed Cafe

An intensive course of CBT

was the therapist’s suggestion;


how to focus on reality

and pay it full attention

Acropolis Now

Curbing selfish tendencies

would enhance my whole prognosis,

Forget Me Nots

then the others aired their grievances

but I didn’t take much notice


And so I’m writing down these notes,

while on the bus returning,


of all the shops in Selly Oak

I’ve passed by on my journey

Thomas Cook

to show her I’m cognisant of

the things that are important


like brand new dresses, shoes and tops

and the shops where she has bought ‘em

Fashion First

and as we’re coming to my stop

I feel relaxed and yet alert

Ali Baba Lebanese Coffee

but as I’m waiting to get off

my inner harmony’s disturbed

The Nail Bar

The driver of number 61

uses elbows for the steering

Mamma Mia!

and his hands to turn the pages of

the novel that he’s reading.

Omar Khayyam

All the way to town and back

he’s weaved a path by magic,

Persian Rug and Gift Centre

reading On The Road by Kerouac

without glancing at the traffic


I wrote my therapist’s address

on the back of the driver’s book

Little Shop of Favours

you’ve got Attention Deficit, I said,

take my seat in therapy group.


My need is not so great as yours;

you’re not safe to drive this bus

Juggling and Kite Shop

he opened automatic doors

without bothering to look up.






◄ Adopting At Our Age


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