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Rewilding the golf club

They’ve identified our golf club

for returning to the wild

It’s to become a verdant Eden 

For every adult, dog and child

A place of natural splendour

Where no groundsmen smoke or hunker

Sheltering from the elements in the deeper fairway bunkers


No more Pringle sweaters in pink and blue and grey

No more Captain’s Prize and no more Ladies’ Day

No more midweek medals or complaints about the rough

No more Pros to peddle

Lessons, gear and stuff

No more taxi drivers with their five day memberships 

No more office skivers

On unscheduled business trips

No more visiting societies causing chaos at the bar

No more questionable propriety

Of a handicap too far

No more weekends spent on links and parkland courses

No more golf related injuries, anxiety or divorces

No more tight cut fairways and sylvan par 3 scenes 

No more sunset Gin and Tonics and handshakes on the green

No more stablefords or strokeplay

no more Skins or Texas Scrambles

No more foursomes, fourballs, foreplay or ill considered gambles


Now the club has closed its doors

They’ve unscrewed the honours board

There’s no one left to keep the scores

The last drinks have been poured

And the endless competitions 

with archaic regulations 

No longer fire ambitions

And fierce recriminations 


Now saplings sprout on tee boxes

And wild garlic conquers greens

And badgers, hares and foxes

Are regularly seen

And the ghosts of committee members 

No longer argue the toss

And nobody remembers

What’s under all that moss

And future archaeologists will 

dig and speculate 

On what mysterious civilisation 

Lies there to excavate

Who were these ancient fellows

With their polished steel long tools

Their small trolleys and umbrellas 

And their lockers and their rules

And their rituals and revelries

And rivalries held dear

And their woolly hats and weatherproofs 

And so many small white spheres.













GolfBetjemannostalgiaNaturesport pastimesocial satire

◄ Once upon a time in a vest

A Good Innings ►


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R A Porter

Sun 26th Nov 2023 13:46

Thank you Graham, I've spent lot of time hunkering in bunkers... ! And I agree completely Stephen, I much prefer the natural feel of links golf courses which blend with the dunes and seascape around them. My wife is from Portrush in Northern Ireland, which means we're somewhat spoilt in that regard

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Graham Sherwood

Sun 26th Nov 2023 10:06

I think you’ve just about got everything in there RA.
Rhyming hunker and bunker is a hole-in-one for me. Well done

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Stephen Gospage

Sun 26th Nov 2023 09:32

Great stuff, RA. Maybe we should let all courses grow a bit so that getting round is a bit more of a challenge. Some are so manicured that it feels like playing on a carpet.

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R A Porter

Sat 25th Nov 2023 20:04

Thank you Greg, that’s kind of you to say so, may the wind stay behind you and your balls stay in play…

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Greg Freeman

Sat 25th Nov 2023 19:45

Sounds good to me! A wonderful vision contained in this truly excellent and very enjoyable poem.

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