The Rebel

The trouble maker

The one who undermines authority

the authority of the Big, Bad, and Evil

 

I wanted to rebel,

to turn away.

The rules in my life that constricted so tightly,

areas of my life where I was probably given too much room.

 

To rebel against God is something different

entirely.

To deny the laws that hold the universe together

has wildly different implications

 

The authority of the heavens is not

an army of stormtroopers descending on Earth,

or the constrictive governments of our

fiction novels, or actual governments for that matter.

 

The authority of God is

the authoring of creation.

One small seed, from which whole

ecosystems spring from its source.

 

He tells the leaves to fall.

He tells the cells to divide themselves.

He tells the electrons to orbit around the atom.

 

He tells order to emerge from chaos.

a breathtaking and never ceasing dance,

The push and pull of our cosmos.

And my ungrateful ass wanted out.

 

I was furious to be here

I was upset that my cells did these things

angry and tired of waking,

day after day.

So certain staring death in the face,

My only option.

 

My backdoor, the logic that says that if someone else

Would be willing to lower themselves

To intimacy with me

The one hole in my argument, if only someone would.

 

Probably the last conclusion a 9 year old should be drawing.

But I shouldn’t have been fantasizing about self torture either.

 

The other person’s decision in the process, stayed the most important.

certain that without it, any action would be void of meaning.

It may be a point of pride now,

But it sure kept me out of jail growing up.

 

But my rebellion is over.

God loves me enough to die

on my behalf.

 

He sees me as more than a body

 

I need to see more than a body

 

And I don’t need anyone else to prove,

I am more than just a body.