I wake up wondering if it was all a dream

When I recall what happened,

My tummy heaves like a boat on a stormy sea

I feel myself sinking into a dark abyss

 

The feeling of emptiness settles in

The void is so raw and so keen

I avoid getting up for as long as I can

Wishing everything to be back to what it was 

 

I get up with both heart and body so heavy

Try to eat just to keep hunger away

I’ve lost my appetite for anything.

And that’s how my day starts.

 

Get my laptop out and try to work

But it just makes me miss you more

You were my sounding board and mentor

Can’t focus, I get lost in thoughts of you

 

I think of you and what you’re going through

How hard it must be for you, too

And the regrets come rushing in again.

I hopelessly try to find some distraction 

 

I’ve lost interest in most things

Whatever I do or see just reminds me of you

Sometimes I succeed in distracting myself

But it never lasts for longer than a moment 

 

I lie down to take a quick nap

Sleep has become my refuge and bestfriend

It gives solace and makes the day go faster

But can’t indulge or I’d be awake half the night

 

Somehow, I make it through the day

Pretending to interact with those around me

An empty shell programmed to respond

Floating, not really feeling

 

Nighttime is always worst

Loneliness and hopelessness find me

And I desperately search for sleep.

Then the cycle begins again.