Back in dinosaur times when I went to my local college

The scourge of all scholars was the phantom sweet snatcher 

Vendors put up etchings by her victims distraught parents

Fear resounding in the corridors out into car-parks vista

Students hide there sweets in hollowed out books

Still she found her victims with her ‘smelldar’ device

All that remained after she struck was silver rapping’s

 

I think I have been reading to many mystery crime novels

There actually was this girl who always demanded sweets

Every class I was in’ she’d be there’ sniffing the air

Sure enough she ‘locked on’ to a scent like a trained hunting dog

Off she went with her prize; again, we stood no chance

That was it for this student; I was going to bring the phantom down!

 

The plot hatched to get the ultimate revenge on her, laxative chocolate

I bought some; scratched ‘lax’ off the top of each piece; broke it up

I did the same with a normal bar of chocolate; placed it into a paper bag

Next day I took it in, writer pauses for dramatic effect, and set the trap

Sitting down, I spotted her as she walked across the yard

My primed co-conspirators braced themselves, we were ready

 

Her hand was on the door handle; revenge was nigh; 3, 2, 1, “go, go, go “

As she came in I handed out the mixed chocolate to my mates

Immediately ‘her smelldar’ went into action and she headed for me

“Would you like some chocolate” I proffered, taking out the laxative

The bate was taken; “Mmmm”, she said,” tastes like market chocolate”

We hoped and prayed, “Was it the end of the phantom sweet snatcher?”

 

Two days later she came back in, looking quite pale and tired

At our next class she came in, I got out my bag of chocolate, offering

Hand clasped on her mouth, she ran screaming from the class

Cheers seemed to resonate around the college as I told my friends

Sweets seemed to appear from nowhere; sucking and slurping resonated

Mate told me he’d never had laxative chocolate; who was I to disappoint?

 

©Phil Golding March ‘08