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I watched Trump on the TV set

When a loud knocking

Was at my door.

I’d just come from my shower floor.

So I put on a dressing gown.


She stood there wearing a mask

I wandered who I was afraid to ask.

Had I seen her before?

My mate came round 

He had a Hauwai phone

He makes plastic tops for plastic bottles

Here he was in my home

Now they’d got us.

Damn reds!


I looked behind my chair

Searched under the stair

Couldn’t find a red anywhere.

Trump told me to take great care

So I looked carefully at her hair.

It looked black and slick and clean

But I knew Chinese commies could be mean


I didn’t know which way to rock

I’d already deleted TikTok.

I thought I was safe!

Her eyes looked round but who could tell

Them darn commies can be sneaky as hell.

They’d read all my mail!

The message I’d sent to my mum

Asking her for some chewing gum!

The one to my oldest mate

Shall we have a pint or is it to late?


Now the Chinese commies know

All there is about my life and my gumless strife.

I thought I’d call for advice, “leave a message”.

I got that one twice!

Damn these Chinese reds messing with my phone

From under my bed, yep the reds did it!

So I turned back to her and asked scared

“Why are you there”?


“Its your pork fried rice” she said!

With a Polish accent.

So I took a shot of Dettol

Straight from the bottle.

Now I’m laid here think I’m dying

I coughed up my blood

And looked at the bottle.

“Made in China”.

Damn reds finally got me!


◄ A soldiers tale 1982

Splashing along ►


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