I fall to my knees in the pantry

And weep

 

Because I'm going to leave him for you

Some day

 

I'm scared I will

I know I will 

 

And I play out the conversations in my head

 

Telling him

Telling our loved ones

Causing him pain

Saying goodbye to him

 

Our last kiss

 

Every couple has a last kiss

But it turns out until death do us part

Was not a promise I could keep 

 

And I think about 

Never playing with his curls

Never seeing his smile

Never kissing the freckles just under his eye

 

And I weep 

 

Never smelling his scent

10 years of inside jokes

Every ounce of hard work

Every photo to burn

 

I will never get over him

I know in my soul I will never get over

Losing him

Not passively, actively

 

Choosing to lose him

Throwing him away 

 

I don't know where I end

And he begins

 

So I cry silently in the pantry

Before making us dinner

Because I don't know how to love him

Anymore 

 

And organized closets

Are not happiness

And stuff, and trips, and loved ones

Aren't a reason to stay

 

But his eyes

And how they look at me when he's feels full of love

 

And I change my mind

Crying in the pantry floor

 

I'm going to stay with him one day

Please let me stay with him one day