Love  Hope

 

I’ve cleaned out my intestines and dried them with a towel

But despite all these fine efforts I’ve an unsanitary bowel

I take all the precautions, I’ve smoothed out all the gaps

But I know that in the morning my rectum will prolapse

 

I’ve tried all kinds of treatments and used a range of lotions

Still the rumblings never cease, nor do the perpetual motions

If only I’d been warned about the hygiene risk

I’d have wiped off all the egg and sterilized the whisk

 

Now I dare not look behind for fear of how I’ll react

When I find this stool I’m sitting on is my intestinal tract

I feel a great discomfort, enough to shed a tear

The cause is most unpleasant for I have diarrhoea

 

Frequent fluid faeces comes pouring from my anus

It runs inside my trouser leg and fills both of my trainers

I’m scared to leave the toilet, I don’t know what to do

I’m worried that if I break wind I’ll shower the room with poo

 

And so I’ll remain seated. I’ll shiver and I’ll squirm

Whilst praying for the holy day when all my stools are firm

I can’t say I’ve been perfect, I know that I’ve sinned

But despite all my faults I have not broken wind

 

I may have been naughty and buzzed like a bee

But these terrible vapours have not come from me

So forgive me, my darling, but admit what is true

That these nasal offences were committed by you ♥

 

Snazzle  wazzle  gurgle  sluice

Careful you don’t spill your juice

Smashle  bashle  purcel  grunge

Wipe it up now with a sponge

 

Tripple  Dipple  wanky  dicky

Must be quick or it gets sticky

Slipple  nipple  spunky  slime

Oh dear, you’ve run out of time!