Away The Lad

 

When you haven’t got a friend

Or a carer you can reach

Then plan a family trip

To the better equipped North East

County Durham’s nice this time of year

Or so I hear them say

And simply by happenstance

It’s only my wife’s birthday

 

You see me and the Missus

developed a little cough

so we panicked and headed North

and all the newspaper can Fuck Right Off

We’ll break some world records

For the first time in history

A bairn will travel 260 miles

Without needing a stop to pee

 

When life becomes too much to bear

And you’re sick of all the hassle

Put your wife and kids into the car

And head for Barnard Castle

Half an hour in the motor

Prepare the alibi’s

That you didn’t really break the law

You were just testing your eyes

 

Then sit in a rose garden

At the back of number ten

And read a well prepared statement

About who did what and when

But when it all comes down to it

We all know what is and isn’t true

Cause there’s one law for the rest of us

And another law for you