For she is , the epitome of paradox
Stares into my soul with her piercing eyes
With a double edged sword, she speaks
One minute, exuberance and euphoria, the next anguish and misery

Out of the blue she utters those words of despair 
Plummets me into questioning myself incessantly 
the queries turn into cries for help
Contagious conundrum creeps in from behind
Eventually this complex maze leads to optimistic yearning

With a soft yet agonizing voice she tells me to kindly, "fuck off."
"Why does it feel like i did the crime?", and , "If so, why does it hurt everytime?"
"What if this was the last time i hear from her?"
"What if someone sweeps her from her feet?"
"What if i never recover from this?"
"When will i stop thinking about her?"
"Why is it so hard for me to move on?"
"What if i can't love anyone else again?"
"What if i spend the rest of my life dreaming about what could've been but didn't?"
"When will this stop?" 
"Do i even want it to stop?"
What i would give, for a sense of indifference and apathy
For nonchalance to replace this tragedy
Maybe, who knows, i might crave the agony
Maybe it's feeding my vanity
What i would give, to get back a slice of my sanity 
To wake up from this delightful yet horrid fantasy
But again, 
What if I'm forever stuck in this state of uncertainty 
Maybe, this is the new normalcy
A continuous loop of perplexity 
Yet again, this might merely be an illusion and,
in reality 
Maybe, just maybe
I will stop blaming her for my absurdity 
My prayers get answered, finally 
Reverting me back to my inception, my inevitable destiny 
Oh, God almighty 
Return my faith, and open my eyes
So, i don't have to hear those words again
So, i don't have to question myself in vain
So, i won't descend into a state of confusion and strain 
So, i will get to call her baby 
Without the prospect of a cold shoulder infront of me
Without being cagey and wary
Without having to feel empty
Without fear and a burden to carry
Without having to thread lightly
Without a sense of doom and eerie 
Just maybe......