I went for a mammogram the other day

not cause me boobs were sore

It's just routine they said

Just to be sure.

 So I went to the screening unit

And saw this big machine

Nurse said strip tut waist love

Don't worry it's nice and clean

She plonked me boob on a cold plate

It fair made me shiver

This machine started to descend

And me knees started to dither

Well! it squashed me boob flat

Me poor boob trapped in this vice

Squashed and squeezed by this device

Oh I were embarrassed

From the waist up I was naked and bare

I wanted to sneeze, but didn't dare

The machine started to move

I thought Oh we're nearly done

Then she went and said

Now we'll do t'other one

When at last I was released

I went to get dressed

When I put my bra on

I felt a little depressed

Cause to my dismay

I went in there a 38c

And came out a 34a

Even though I'm grateful to the chap

who invented this machine

I'd gladly put him out of action

By placing his private parts between

If you've never had a mammogram

Please do not fear

For this big machine

Saves thousands of lives each year

© Hazel