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I stand

(In honour of our services.)



In this darkest hour of need,

In this time of great demand,

When those around me choose to kneel,

I choose not and so, I stand.



Though it cause my voice to quake,

I'll steady out my shaking hand,

Because I have a choice to make,

I cannot yield and so, I stand.



Don't think me brave for I am not,

This is not a thing I planned,

But kneeling men will be forgot,

And I will not and so, I stand.



And though I pay a heavy cost,

And give my life to save this land,

I know much greater could be lost,

If I kneel, and so, I stand.
Sat, 19 Jan 2019 12:18 pm
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Big Sal

What is the context behind this? Are you conveying an analogy for something more, or are you literally embodying the act of standing for something?

I ask so that I can give an honest assessment of the piece.

As for right now at face value, the piece does not beg improvement in the way of structure or idea, but perhaps could be refined with a couple strong explanations/descriptions to evoke more from it. As it 'stands' though, the rhythm is spot on, and you took care not to run too long on the lines.

Overall, well done.
Sat, 19 Jan 2019 12:51 pm
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Thanks Sal,

The act of kneeling was historically a sign of submission and acquiescence and in a more modern sense could be summed up for me by that great James Brown quote, "I'd rather die on my feet than live on my knees." So what I was trying to express in the metaphor of standing, is in many circumstances just standing up in the face of adversity takes incredible courage and the reason I dedicated it to our service men and women is that they do this every single day.

I hope that makes sense and comes across in the poem,

Thank you so much for taking the time to look at it.

Jason.
Sat, 19 Jan 2019 01:03 pm
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Big Sal

Well after reading the context behind it, I like it even more!

And no problem at all, I like to review poetry.

If you wish to as well, when you post a poem (much like this piece, or any others to be honest), you may get more people to read and comment upon it if you put a sentence or two of context either before or after the poem.

Of course it's absolutely not necessary to do anything with writing, but I've found some people can be quite finicky if they think the piece is too 'abstract' to understand, so this has helped me and a few others with getting our points across.

Otherwise, great job man. I look forward to reading more of your work. If you want anything else reviewed feel free to shoot it my way, and have yourself a great one.πŸ’ͺ
Sat, 19 Jan 2019 01:08 pm
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Thanks Sal, to be honest I'm not brilliant with technology, so I'm just learning how to use the site. If I get better at working it I'll stick some more on. I think I've put about 20 or 30 pieces up in the last couple of days.

Thanks for reviewing, it's great to have constructive input.

Jason.
Sat, 19 Jan 2019 01:36 pm
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Big Sal

Cool man, I'll have a look through your other poems when I get a chance, and give you some additional feedback.

And it may help you if you spaced out the poems a bit, just to get more feedback if you wanted to - because each poem you post replaces the previous one in the queue and it then goes into instant archive.

I'll let ya know!😁
Sat, 19 Jan 2019 02:13 pm
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Ah, only just read this, sorry Sal. To be honest I hadn't written for a few years and in the last couple of months I'd started again. I haven't even found the older ones from years ago. I needed somewhere to archive them and obviously it's nice to have them read as well. But I've potentially got another 20 or 30 that might pass muster. I don't want to take too long though, I was diagnosed with white matter brain damage recently so can be a little absent minded. I'm hoping it won't become anything worse than that but I want to log them just in case.

Thanks,

Jason.
Tue, 22 Jan 2019 04:52 pm
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Big Sal

Preserving one’s work is always worth the effort.

πŸ™πŸΌπŸ’―
Wed, 23 Jan 2019 11:43 am
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That it is πŸ˜€
Wed, 23 Jan 2019 02:54 pm
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<Deleted User> (22247)

I found it faultless. It is moving. Deserves publication. Many people would find you'd expressed their own deep and important feelings here, and said it better than they would manage if they had the courage to speak up (and out.)

Speaking for the crowd, the mob, the group, the race...is fulfilling the job of poet.
8 days ago
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It is a classic dear Jason. A classic. Mind the few words I just said to you and please take them literally and start thinking of yourself as brilliant if you already aren't.
Thanks to you and to our old comrade for his review🎈
Mae

P.S. You do stand.
6 days ago
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