This is a wonderfully original concept, and moves forward with pace right to the succinct ending.

I think the lines could be shorter in some areas. IMO, never worry about the length of your work. If the poem is long, it's long; and readers will stay with you if you are writing well and interestingly. Which you are.

If you really don't want a long work, then hack half of it out. It takes real effort to reduce ideas, and guts to jettison them entirely. But we have to learn how to do it. All of us.

Or, just leave it long. Maybe next time it won't feel so awful, reducing a poem by one third to a half. Think strong, strong words to catch maximum intent in the fewest syllables. A thesaurus is a second brain; I kid you not.

Comment is about The New Boy (blog)

Original item by iesha washington

I enjoyed reading this so much. I found it moving and honest.

Comment is about The New Boy (blog)

Original item by iesha washington