Hi Claire, glad to hear my suggestions didn't fill you with horror - try this when you get stuck with rhymes but don't tell anyone I suggested it:

http://www.rhymezone.com/

C?L

Comment is about Wishing Well (blog)

Original item by Claire

I love hearing your suggestions, Collin. I am not the most experienced in writing poetry, especially not poetry like this. I wrote a story about a wishing well and I wanted to see if I could put it into a poem. It didn't work too well, I'll admit. In the story, the little girl actually wore a diamond and she rode a horse, but unfortunately, "diamond" doesn't rhyme with "girl" and "horse" doesn't rhyme with "hope".

Comment is about Wishing Well (blog)

Original item by Claire

There is a lovely thread running through this poem Claire but it unravels and gets lost along the way. I would suggest not rushing to post, keep reading through, out loud if necessary, to hear the words - ask yourself, does it flow?

For example: 'The words ripple through all the deep and darkened blue' is lovely and reads well - but the following line: 'through the waves and the salt of the sea. To a cave in the depths' feels awkward.

Counting and matching syllables helps as too does avoiding repeating words like 'the' - 'the waves the salt the sea'.

There is a magical fairy tale feel to the story but I would also suggest trying to avoid using any random word just because it rhymes. I'm thinking here of 'antelope' to rhyme with 'hopes'. Perhaps this whole poem is based around a dream where you or the girl rides an antelope but put into the context of a poem even dream images can seem a little daft.

So anyways, I'll shut up now and hope you don't mind hearing my suggestions. All the best and thanks for posting.

Comment is about Wishing Well (blog)

Original item by Claire