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Updated: Tue, 8 Feb 2022 07:42 pm

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I miss you Jose every day is like a deeper and deeper pit I dig though I know your not use to love and the mistrust of your honor in the past life has been the cause of the demented behavior I understand that within the darkness there a soft gentle man or is that the broken little girl in me hoping for the day YOu will make good on the sweet remedies that are released from the creases of your lips if the lies can lie then im the fool but in the end the joke is on u day in day out I sit and wait, wait for the day you will decide to stand and say Im ready , I’m ready to be free. Though this will never reach you your eyes will never see the truest of feelings for you have forced them in a vault the sweet lotus has whithered in the palm Of your hand and the man I once saw is gone should I wait patiently to see if you will decide to water the roots again as you suffocate one root at a time


A letter to Jose Yet another turn for the steepest hill your heart full throttle . 1 mile man this is ok 3 miles the euphria kicks in 6 mile doubt and befor I know I’m head on colisioned into what is called LOVE you know if you ask me what love is before I met you I would give you some cliche about warm feeling and euphoric touches , now days I find it more frantic at the fact of how am i going to have the patience today what can possibly be done that I haven’t with stood . The constant reminder I put in my head that you love me . Then asking myself in that same nano min is it true do I need to not convince myself . And then you walk in and it all calms down my frantic waters calm at smell of the iron that melted into your skin the distinct chuckle bring vibrations to my soul and I rember that is what love is . I won’t deny Jose that there are days we’re I yern for that soft side I only get when your touching my honey through my soul these days I find myself wanting more then just the hour I have been getting for the last year how I sit and convince myself that I’m the one and that you will never know


Here we go again in the same turmoil that ripped the soul out of my hand every step forward is another slippery slope down and at the end is a hope that it will end in love the beat I feel through my abdomine reminds me that your full of love then the clouds come and the wind blew the screeches came chills down my spine blood gushed through my cheek breath they say and it will be over and at that moment I rember the demons I faced the night I became one of you and time after time you ask me why I put up with it and at that moment I want to have the courage to say that I’ve been there the same demon I seen she use to live in me see I to am stained blood from the demons that were not mine blood from the pain that was given blood from the uncertainty of who and we’re I come from a family full of harlot and predators on a daily learning how to be kind so when you look at me and ask why it’s because I have seen greater demons then you one day I will be a memory the memories of the same demon I faced today


A letter to Jose in the days I seem to gaze in the mist of the wind that blows straight through my mind that all this time has fallen through that the way I loved you was not enough not enough for you to stay and yet Jose you say to me that I’m the only one you can’t be without yet the lies illuminate through your eyes and then I breath. I breath in the fear the fear of never being able to trust again the fear of abandonment the fear of you leaving me in your rear view mirror never pressing the break to mend the pain never pressing the breaks to stay .


A letter to Jose the sound through the walls echo the remedies of your tone ,and like a stone I freeze deep within the pits of our memories the memories I’m forced to erase as I race through them one by one I realize that I’m still stuck on the feelings that snuck up

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