I am a seemingly delicate flower with a broken appearance. Who is strong underneath with a will to keep fighting. A friend to few But a lover of words A lover of delicate arts That has beauty not seen by all Cradled in the arms of suicidal thoughts And fears rejection and shame caused by others
A needle in my arm, the thoughts in my head. What's the matter anyway by the morning I will be dead. It'll all end quick, why not do it it right now? Im dealing with some shit I just don't know how. My friends got the powder so I'll hook them up with pills. Their friends got the rocks so we're hooking up some deals. One thing leads to another now I'm here. In a place between death and a place called fear. I've never been so low in my life, I was a damn good mother and could have been a wife. And my only fucking friend is this poison in my hand and a knife under my bed to bring it all to the end. So now I'm praying to the Lord in the sky but it doesn't mean shit because all my prayers are lies. How can I sit here asking God for his help when I'm the sorry fucking bitch that put myself here in hell? Now that's deep, but it ain't deep enough to make me quit. I'm on my last life but I don't give a shit cuz when I die I know everyone will just forget. So if I put one in me, it'll help this shit. The pain is too much and I can't even take no more cuz I can hear somebody knocking. Its death, he's at the door. One more hit, one more High, one more feel and this shit could all be over with. The shit that's made to kill. I feel the sting through my veins, feel the pain I know I can't complain cuz I'm the only one to blame. It's such a rush when my heart skips a beat. I can feel it from my head till it hits my feet, and then I hit the floor, still begging for more, and I'll do it again every day until I'm knocking on heaven's door. So many demons and I Need an Angel now cuz I'm starting to let go and its starting to drag me down. My family cries but doesn't seem to phase me. I laugh in deaths face, hoping that it comes and takes me, a fallen angel and ill never be the same again. As long as I get high then I'll never feel ashamed again. I wonder what it's like to really feel pain. So the next time I slide the needle deeper in my vein and the noise Fades, and everything goes black. Now that's deep, but it ain't enough to make me quit. I'm on my last life but I am going to trip cuz when I die, I know everyone will just forget... But wait... I can feel the pain as I start to breathe for once in my life. I feel happy and free. Everyone said "you're never going to make it." But I saw my chance and i knew i had to take it. So I pray to the Lord in the sky for another day of life. I'm seeing shit that I've never seen before, like the beauty in the world and now I love it even more. I made amends to the people in my past, and now I take things slow, never move too fast. Because when my heart stopped, I got a new life. I almost lost it all because of one little voice in the back of my head that made me make a stupid choice. Im an addict, but I'll never go back to the things that I did that made me fall into the black, because that is what's deep, deep enough to make me never forget.
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Viewed 49 times since 25 Dec 2017
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