Writer of funny and satirical poems. I started off in my twenties writing poems about bottoms and toilets. Then in my thirties I graduated to writing about anything that came into my head. Nearly all my poems are humorous or satirical. A lot of the earlier stuff is inspired by office life (I used to sneak it into office status reports for a laugh) but these days I write about all sorts of things. I also draw little pictures. In 2003 I published a book ("The Status Report") of some of the poems, which some people - including some I didn't know! - bought. Between 2004 and 2013 I hardly wrote anything because I was addicted to gambling. But now I'm back to the poems again. Quite a few of my poems are intended as performance poems, but I haven't quite found the motivation to perform them anywhere yet, except in the shower or on the toilet. One day...
The Doctor's Sense of Humour Stevie was a city boy, He wore an old school tie, His life was full of sex and booze And other things you buy. He occupied a penthouse That overlooked the Thames And plastered it with modern art To overawe his friends. But one night in a taxi home When chatting to the cabby The latter asked our hero Whether he was really happy. Now Stevie wasn't prone to Letting others take the piss, So he smashed the cabby's lights And drove his car into a ditch. But the violence didn't kill The mem'ry of the thing he'd said; "Are you really happy?" was Still buzzing round his head. So he popped along to Harley Street With his philosophic woe, Slipped a doctor fifty quid And screamed 'I need to know!' The doctor nodded kindly and Reached under the desk, From where he raised a felling axe And chopped off Stevie's legs. While tarring up the stumps the Doctor said 'You might feel crappy, But you'll have a clearer mind when Someone asks you if you're happy.'
All poems are copyright of the originating author. Permission must be obtained before using or performing others' poems.
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