Biography

Hi, I'm a UT student. I sorta write poetry, but I still have lots to learn so bear with me :)

The Buzz

I sometimes feel like time goes too fast, fast like how you blow out birthday candles. Or fast like trends, dying only to be replaced by new ones Man, if only time went fast now. It started out fine I thought I had the right to be upset To be mad To be hurt But then it didn’t stop. The anger, the pain. I felt off, like the lyrics and the music of my life were not in sync. In the span of a week, I lost everything. So I took my first drink. She stopped talking to me. He did too. And also him. So I waited. I waited for a second, then for an hour, then for a day. And realized I’d never stop waiting. So I swallowed up the acrid pride in my throat, my stomach churning I don’t know if it was nerves or if it was the fact that finally they’d have to look at me And so I swallowed, And I spoke first. But it was as if a hand grabbed my throat and choked the breath out of me. I looked at them and I opened my mouth but nothing came out So I take another drink. I wake up. Here we go again, another day having to paint the smile that I still hate on my face. A smile I have to show because “Happiness is the best revenge” my sister says But it wasn’t revenge I wanted I just wanted to know Don’t you know how alone I feel? Do you even care? How could someone who made me feel so good make me feel so bad? And I take another drink I spent my time in the restroom, the computer place, the book aisles Anywhere that I could where I wouldn’t feel the piercing cold eyes shrug off my pleading heart I knew you needed space, but how was I supposed to know sometimes the space I gave was too much space Trying with you was like trying to shoot a dart blindfolded only to have it pierce back against your own chest My heart hurt every time I tried The heart I used to bend so much that it left stretch marks Everyday breaking off another piece of you I’m tired of begging for good things to happen. So I took another drink. Another drink just so I could feel something Something other than regret and ache Last night I cried while eating a bowl of cereal, Frosted Flakes just in case you were wondering Everything is draining, flushing away. I’m caught between wanting this to be over and wishing we could go back but I’m tired of giving you another chance I tend to give 7 or 8 before I realize, I’m a fucking idiot Now looking at you doesn’t break my heart It just reminds me of every time it was broken before. But that’s okay. Because I’m okay now. I drink again and finally, at last, I felt the buzz.

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