Come on you Wigs!
Hire Ryan Giggs
Instead of boots
Don lace-up MIGs
Grow goals from shoots
Half-time, eat fruits--
Drink tea in swigs
Keep off the cigs.

Didn't know Wigan had a football club. Where is it -- one level of the muti-storey carpark with some of that mock grass fruiterers drape on their stalls?

In football, as in life, there should be no divisions
All equal, all in equipoise, let girls suggest revisions
Let fans ditch single team support
Allow goals in when teams have nought
Wear leisure wear that's cheaply bought
Make sure all players have been bought
So rigging makes a fairer sport
Let's bless all ref's decisions.

Yes, but what do I know? Nada.

line 5 should read
Wear leisure wear that's cheaply sought

You can tell I'm just making this stuff up as I go along.

Paul, did the limerick get chosen by Sky? I don't think they'd let you say a poem with the word 'buggers' in it. They're all fab poems anyway. Every one a winner.

They shoud combine the Eurovision Song Contest with football. Don't the players get fed up of wearing the same drab rig week-in, week-out? And wouldn't it help to express more emotions in a song intead of a fist-punctuated haranguing match?

So they're not averse to verse with 'colourful' language? That's refreshing. And so are Unce Joe's Mintballs. Maybe Wigan should play with a football that's a facsimile of a large Uncle Joe's Mintball? Or is that Wigan FC's mascot?

I thought latic was a kind of acid that crowds your muscles when you exrcise and gives you cramps. That might be why Wigan are having a wobble. Or a stagger.

If Wigan fans realise their fears
Forlorn old men will stare into their beers
And saddos will cry their futile tears

Cretins and morons will spoil for a fight
It’ll be hell in Wigan on Sunday night
As if it will alter Wigan’s plight

There is one goood thing about football fans lives
While they’re away shouting banalities I sleep with their wives
They should all be provided with big pointy knives
And kill themselves, bloody lowlifes

In times of desperation
when facing relegation
we need Paul Jewel
to show his cool
and find some inspiration.

I see, Mr Walsh. Well how about this?
Paul Jewel
Loops the loupe
Carat stock
But it's all soup
Grass is greener round whose goalie?
Players lunge and rolly polly
Talents pool
Fans regroup
The ball's a rock
Moved by the holy
Will Jewel rejoice -- oh will he, wolly?

Just seen the results: he will!

The evidence is empirical
The poets are waxing lyrical
We've got tears in our eyes
As we warm up our pies
It were gradely - approaching a miracle!

Now Buy Your Match Mementos

I have a set of lava lamps
They're full of football players' gob
That gloops about in luke-warm beer
A mucal souvenir of matches.


That's right, ones harvested from today's match are available right now, only £25 each from yours truly -- order while stocks last. Hope that doesn't put you off your pies.

Off Line

Alas for Paul Jewel
He's jumped from the pool
No keeper's net caught
The Fish that fell short

Jewel Swing

Google bugle
Find a flugel-
horn
He's the Boogie Woogie Bogie Man from Wigan FC
now gorn.