need critisism

First born empire, made out of
Fire, water, air and ground...
Stupidity loyal to justice...
I practice thoughts about violence,
as empty bottles spin my head around...

I'm proud of the mess I've created,
My profound misery is my shelter..
I entered the door by mistake
and now I can't get to the center.

Important vibrations spill under my skin..
Neglected by fire I speed up my pace..
To catch up with the bus I already missed,
But promised myself to return!

Abnormal blossoms cling to my mind,
Dedicated I am to the suffering..
Earthquakes and storms guide my innocence,
I chose to forget and envy..

Imperfect and lonely I wander in dark..
Weak but empowered by his beauty..
Beauty that chewed and swallowed my spark!
Beauty that stings and is not pretty!

His beauty disgusts me from the inside.
One side is white, another black.
My conscience tells me not to quit,
But my heart does not want to go back!

Rejected for pain, I rejoice in faking..
Left to assault, I can't regain
All that I chose to hide, or not to hide,
It lingers in the deepest corners of my soul..

I seek for a reason to compose a song.
A song that will save me from falling!
But the emergency room is too far away.
So I stay focused on the floor.

My journey is compiled with stones and stitches.
Only a bonfire can set me free!
By gone cemeteries flicker through night..
Enlightened I am now, to just BE!
Wed, 13 Jun 2018 12:02 am
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Big Sal

Good poem. One thing I think you may have meant is in your last stanza you put "by gone" when I think you meant "bygone" as in one single word. Otherwise, it's a good read.?
Sat, 16 Jun 2018 07:13 pm
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