Napalm




Dropping



Silence



Now rolls and rides
Now turns and flies
Now twists and drives
Now plumes to rise
Now black and dry.
Now dragons and dreams
Now smokes and screens
Now chokes and cries
scorched and blind
screams and scries.
Clear skies.

Now they smell burning hair from the other side.

Hi Scott.
I enjoy reading AND listening to your work and usually find that when i read, your 'voice' reads the words for me. But in this particular poem the last line 'feels' too long.

"Now they smell burning hair..."

The adjective 'now' is describing the pronoun 'they' and 'they' is attached to 'smell(ing)' . 'Hair', that is itself 'burning'. If that sounds a little confusing and disjointed - then that is how your line 'feels' to me. I would use one adjective, namely 'smelling' and consider losing the 'Now' & 'they'. This maintains a shorter phrase and one that (potentially) doesn't jar with the reader. I do accept though Scot, that how you perform your poetry could render my comments obsolete.
I also feel again that 'telling' us that ' now they smell buring hair'' is too direct and that ...'the other side' is perhaps not relevant. I could quite happily read that poem without those little bits and wouldn't feel that I'd been short changed.
Please consider the above an encomium and not an attack on your style or content. I, like many others, are often aware that our emotional being is being tampered with when you write and perform.

Hi,
thanks for your comments, l never consider it as attacking just honest comments. Which is what l'm after. I confess the last line is my fav. This is also unusual as it breaks away from my normal style, come see me do it maybe that'll sway ya.I just the love the idea of smelling burning hair amidst all that heat cause you're dying and going to hell. Anyway, thanks for your thoughts, keep it up man.